Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Where'd my mojo go?

I've lost my mojo. 

For those of you not familiar with the term made famous by one seriously groovy, shagadelic, secret agent here's some definitions for you. Yeah, baby...

mo·jo

noun \ˈmō-(ˌ)jō\
: a power that may seem magical and that allows someone to be very effective, successful, etc.
: a charm or spell. 
: finding the magic in what we do. 

So, I've lost my magic charm. 

That drive, that push, that creative little spark inside me that pushes me - pushes me to be creative with my kids, to turn everyday events into themed celebrations and to take the time to prepare nutritious food for my family is missing. 

The drive I have to keep a clean and organised house is absent without leave.

The drive I usually have to share and connect on my blog and social media is sadly lacking, and just when I was ready to really amp things up a bit. 

I think it's mainly because I'm exhausted and overwhelmed. 

The last two weeks have included two birthdays and two birthday parties. That means four cakes and two sets of cupcakes to share at school. There's also been a whirlwind trip interstate. With three children. On my own. One of whom did not sleep well the entire five nights. I don't function well on very little sleep. It makes my brain fuzzy. It also makes me bitchy a bit cranky.

We are also (still) in the process of making over our home office/library/guest room. Which has resulted in a whole lot of displaced/broken furniture, boxes of Ikea goodies (which should make me excited not overwhelmed) and a dazzling variety of other crap stuff all cluttering up the house. I don't function well in clutter. It makes my brain feel clogged. 

I'm also on the cusp of a new reality for all of us. One in which I work. FULL TIME. It's only a seven week contract and parts of me are looking forward to it (though, mainly my purse and Pay Pal account!) The rest of me is a little nervous. How will the baby cope without me? How will I cope without my babies? Will I suck? It's been a fair whack of time since I planned any lessons or did any marking. I don't function well when I'm anxious, either. It makes my brain twitchy. 

No wonder I've had a headache for three days. 

So, somewhere inside my fuzzy, clogged, twitchy brain is that spark. My mojo. 

And I need it back. 

I need it back before my two years gets addicted to television. 

I need it back before my five year old thinks LCMs are everyday foods. 

I need it back before my self-esteem and sense of self-worth disappear altogether. 

I've slowly begun my quest to relocate my spark.  I'm making those lists that used to make me so happy.  I'm ticking things off, slowly.  Then I lose interest or get distracted.  I spent 15 minutes cleaning the laundry today so the washing machine repair man wouldn't think less of me.  The rest of the house looks like a bomb went off.

I'm sitting here, taking to you when I should be cooking dinner.  Leftovers anyone?

*SIGH* Are you adept at locating missing mojo? Feel free to throw some helpful hints at me. 

P.S. When I logged on to post this I saw that my little ol' blog has had over Twenty thousand page views!  Thank you for your ongoing support.  You've made my fuzzy little brain a bit happier and my heart so very full xx

3 comments:

  1. You certainly have a lot going on sister! Just reading about it makes me feel drained. Maybe this is the mini meltdown that has to happen before you power up and take on that big task of a seven week contract. Be kind to yourself :) Trudi

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    1. Thank you, Trudi! I think you're right ��

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  2. Belated, now that you are at the other end of the teaching window, but I wish you all the luck in the world finding your mojo! I never seem to have had it. I was always intimidated by how much you managed to pull off--the themed days and dinners and crafts and organization! Rest assured, many of us do not manage to do half of that...with half the # of kiddos! I gave in and found room in our budget for a cleaning lady twice a month. I just couldn't do it all, (and we still watch more TV than I want to and I don't cook every night) but I am a lot happier knowing that every other week or so, all the main rooms of our house, especially the kitchens and bathrooms, would all be perfectly clean at the same time. It's been good for my mental sanity, and my marriage! I think it's SO worth it, even though I had to overcome a lot of guilt to finally get it set up.

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